![]() ![]() I mean, I can’t even tell you how much money my female relatives have spent on Hello Kitty and other Sanrio merchandise over the years. You’ll need to pony up real cash, however, if you want to get Hello Kitty as a character. ![]() ![]() Good job, Super Monkey Ball Banana Mania. In an age of unfettered and, at times, abusive microtransactions by certain video games (you know who you are), it’s refreshing to see a game where you can unlock almost everything by just simply - wait for it - playing the actual game. This includes guest characters like Sonic the Hedgehog, Beat from Jet Set Radio and Kazuma Kiryu from the Yakuza series. Speaking of bananas, you can also use these delicious fruits of yellow goodness to unlock a host of stuff at the points shop. There rarely is a problem in this world that can’t be solved by throwing a baleful of bananas at it. Let that be a lesson to all you young kids out there. Granted, some stages are better than others and you certainly have your share of forgettable courses thrown in there as well.įortunately, you can use the bananas you’ve painstakingly amassed while playing the game to skip stages if you want, either due to lack of interest or the fact that they’re impossible for mere mortals to clear. I mean, if younger me couldn’t clear some of these courses, older me pretty much has a rat’s chance in a stray cat convention. Like those long-buried memories from one’s dark past, I found myself quickly going, “Oh no, not this again,” as I was presented with suspiciously familiar-looking stages with paths that looked more like a plate of spaghetti. I just couldn’t help but smile as I found myself reliving stages that I played as a young man. With more than 300 stages from Super Monkey Ball, Super Monkey Ball 2 and Super Monkey Ball Deluxe included in this stacked banana split, the latest iteration of the franchise is akin to a wonderful trip down memory lane. This is something I was quickly reminded of while playing Super Monkey Ball Banana Mania. That’s because Super Monkey Ball is really, really hard. To be honest, though, even younger me struggled with a good number of maps from the Super Monkey Ball franchise. Let’s see where your reflexes are two decades from now. The result is a collection of mishaps and falls that would make Wile E. That and the physics in this game feel just a tad different for some reason. ![]() Jason Hidalgo from 2021? Well, let’s just say that the old synapses ain’t firing like they used to. See, young Jason Hidalgo from 2001 (yes, I just referred to myself in the third person, the telltale sign of an egomaniac) can handle this stuff. OK, so I’d laugh if I saw that, too, but that’s beside the point. You know, the kind of people who laugh when they see somebody’s pants fall down. In short, this game was designed by very, very evil people with very, very evil intentions. Trust me, the latter is the last thing I want to do at this point in my adult life. I’m talking tight, narrow paths without guardrails numerous holes and gaps bumps that launch you to your doom if you approach them at the wrong angle and an assortment of strategically placed hindrances that’ll make you pull your hair out. No, sir, you also have to navigate through a bevy of obstacles designed to monkey up your best laid plans and make your journey as tough and painstaking as possible. Like Mordor, however, one does not simply walk - or in this case, roll - to your destination in Super Monkey Ball. Are you keeping up so far? Anyway, you play as a monkey encased inside a ball and your goal is to make it all the way to the end of a winding, banana-filled course, ideally with your little simian in one piece. I mean, all I wanted was to introduce my niece to a fun game that bookmarked a wonderful time in my life when I had more hair and fewer bills to pay.įirst released in arcades in 2001, Monkey Ball looks exactly as it sounds. Then again, like workers paving the road to a certain hot place where bad people go, I had good intentions. More in Technobubble Gaming: Lost Judgment is back bigger than before. Or maybe, just maybe, it was because I just sent a poor cartoon monkey hurtling to its horrible monkey doom - again - as I desperately tried to relive my glory days as a Monkey Ball “expert.” Was it the black sugar boba drink I bought her for lunch that now has her amped up like a split atom? Perhaps it was years and years of terrible dad jokes that conditioned her to think of me as an idiot. As my niece lay dying from laughter on the floor as I played Super Monkey Ball Banana Mania, I started to ponder all the wrong decisions I made in my life to get to this point. ![]()
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